I used to be a woman that constantly craved a relationship. I enjoy companionship, and having a partner in crime at all times. I naturally assumed that it had to be with a boyfriend.
My last relationship ended rather abruptly, and it left me in a strange place. I can honestly say that I knew it wasn't going to be permanent from day one. I don't know why, but I just felt it. Still, having it end without even a warning made me really sit down and think things over.
At first, I remained single because it was the right thing to do. I was angry, and a bit bitter with how it was handled. I didn't want to punish some poor guy for actions that he didn't do. I also wasn't comfortable with talking about how it ended. I still don't completely know why. I won't go into the details, but my ex disappeared on me during Christmas and I never heard from him again. Yes, he is alive and well.
As time passed, I went on a few dates, but I still wasn't really open to the idea of letting my guard down. A few more months passed, and I tried dating again. Some of the people I had dinner with were nice and refreshing. There was nothing wrong with them, and they all would have been great potential boyfriends, but they still weren't for me.
It dawned on me then that for once in my life I was ok with not being in a relationship. I was genuinely interested in a few guys for a while, but I wasn't bothered when they didn't put in the effort. I wasn't on pins and needles waiting for a guy to call me, or getting giddy when I received a new text message. I just let them fall off and disappear into the sea of contact numbers in my cellphone.
I've spent so many years placing my efforts into getting to know someone else that I've ignored my relationship with myself. I used to be completely consumed by the men that I dated when I was younger, and that changed over my past few relationships.
Still, I was the workhorse. I made all of the calls and plans. Everything came down to me. To be honest, I felt worn out. The concept of entering another relationship where I might have to do that again is just daunting. I have better things to put my energy into.
I'm not saying that I am closed to the concept of dating and relationships. I still go on dates and I enjoy them. I guess I'm trying to say that I'm done with trying to fit square pegs into round holes. If things don't naturally evolve, then I don't see the point in bothering.
It's funny to me because I used to always be the gal pal with a man while the rest of the girls were single, but now I'm the only single lady in my group of friends. I like coming home and not having to worry about scheduling time to see a beau. I love the fact that I can just do things without having to worry if my boyfriend will be ok with it. God knows that I probably wouldn't be in burlesque if I was still with my ex. He secretly did me a favor. I'd probably call him an asshole and thank him in the same sentence if I saw him again.
For now, I focus on my relationships with my best friend and my family. I've taken this new found time to bond with my sisters and brother. I also spend more time trying new things and indulging myself. I figured out that my partner in crime in life is my best friend. It always has been, and it always will be. He knows what I am thinking with a simple look, and we basically have the same thought at the same time.
I'm sure that there is someone out there for me, and if he crosses my path I'll be sure to talk to him and see where things take us. I could always use another accomplice.
So if you're taken, don't assume that I'm out to steal your man, cause drama or that I need to be felt sorry for. I'm good with what I've been given, and if I happen to get a little more I'll take it.
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